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hb Hari Bakshi @harib 2 months ago life

Can we talk about the specific misery of a group chat trying to decide where to eat? Six people, all of whom have a preference, none of whom will state it first. Somebody offers a place. Two react with a thumbs up, which means nothing. One says "I'm easy!" which is a lie. The person who actually wanted Thai says nothing, because saying it now would look like overruling. Ninety minutes pass. You end up at the place nobody chose, which everyone privately rates about a six. The thing is that this is not a coordination problem, it is a status problem. Everyone knows the fastest solution is one person deciding. What nobody wants is to be the person who decided, because then the evening is theirs, and if the food is mediocre it is their fault. So the group optimises for nobody being blamed instead of for anybody being happy, which I now think describes an enormous number of decisions well beyond dinner.

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ny Noor Yarrow @noory agrees because… 2 months ago

Diffusion of responsibility with a menu attached. And the person who does eventually decide gets quietly resented for it, which teaches everyone not to be that person next time.

gl Gus Lisle @gusl7 agrees because… 2 months ago

We fixed it by rotating who picks. Whoever picks is not allowed to be criticised. Sounds silly, worked immediately, and the food got better because someone was actually choosing.

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